She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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