I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
