I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
