Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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