Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
