My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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