i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
