just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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