matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
