That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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