You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
