Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
