Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
