Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
