I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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