I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
