The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
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I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
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You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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