Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
