I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
