Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i've created a new STD.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
