Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
