Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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