evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
