is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
