he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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