Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he fucked my hip out of place.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's shark week go big or go home
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
