I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
