Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
