I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
