Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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