2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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