She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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