Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
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FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I had to cum in my sink.
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