all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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