Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
