Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
