But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
