i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
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Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
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I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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