I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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