Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
