So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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