I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
