I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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