I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
