Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I look better un-naked...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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