I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
