oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize