He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
