In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
