Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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