Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
you never un-have a 4some
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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