We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
