NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
