Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
