Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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