Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
