I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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