So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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