So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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