i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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