Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Are we still banned from the library?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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