I murdered the dance floor call the cops
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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