Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
