I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Enjoy the penises
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
