I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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