she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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