It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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