You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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