But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
