Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
