I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
