i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
