i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
