he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
