I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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